Each time you lose someone, whether it is a friend or a lover, you feel a little bit dying from inside.
And every end is a beginning.
In 2019 I realized three things:
Life is a constantly changing process;
To love doesn’t mean to have;
And all is about learning to suffer well.
Need home but home is not always the answer
I’ve just read an article written by another EVS volunteer in Macedonia. She is telling there that after one year of amazing experience she decided to stay. That’s where she feels that she belongs to now. She has found her home.
In recent months my mind was lingering on the idea of settling down. And then I stumbled. Because I realized that I didn’t have a home.
Of course, there is my hometown, my family, my childhood friends, my new friends spread all around the world, Bulgaria, Spain and the Czech Republic where I spent some months but in fact, I don’t have a home.
Each time it hurt to lose someone. Home seemed like a solution. Settling down meant a way out.
However, I was just running away from something that was inevitable.
We must die a hundred times in the pursuit of happiness.
Wintertime sadness. Good one
I have had many ups and downs during my months in Brno. From wild joy to heartbreaking sadness. I have been having fun with new people I met, I have experienced the excitement of doing new things, the peacefulness of those moments when I am deep in my insides up until complete apathy and a feeling of isolation. That’s not quite ordinary to hear from a person who has been living her EVS, right?
But I don’t regret a single moment. If I had a chance, I wouldn’t have changed anything.
Zombie apocalypse? No. Just life
It’s hard to express in words what it is that I really learned here. Probably the result came out to be not so obvious and not in the most obvious ways.
I have learned to feel every moment, no matter it is good or bad.
I have learned to accept everything that life gives me.
I have learned to trust the future and have more faith.
I have learned not to get upset quickly when things don’t go the way I want them to go.
Once more I rooted in my intuition – it is never wrong and I can always feel safe with it.
And I have learned that everything is connected. Each and every step we take has a meaning.
All these things are still in the process.
Now I am about to say goodbye to people who have become dear to me. And it will be sad. Despite my wintertime sadness, many times they made me laugh and smile, consoled me in hard moments, we were sharing our days, trips, the dance floor, office work, dinners, stories, feelings. It was a great experience and I am thankful for the time here.
However, I am ready for new changes.
I will die a little bit inside in order to live. I will suffer well.
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